My Totally Irrational / Rational Fears

31 Aug

1. Quicksand. Ever since first learning about quicksand its haunted me. I just know I’d be one of those people who would panic and make the situation worse, sinking to my inevitable death by quicksand.

2. Anything with no legs (snakes). The fact that they just slither around is what does it for me, and they’re FAST. People say you can’t outrun a snake but if it was outrun the snake or get bitten by it, my money’s on me being able to outrun it.

3. Carbon monoxide poisoning. Nope not burning alive in a house fire or getting burglarized in the middle of the night, carbon monoxide poisoning. I blame this on my mother who had carbon monoxide detectors in every room of the house when I was growing up. You do the math, two fire alarms, 9 carbon monoxide detectors, obviously the threat of death by carbon monoxide is greater.

4. Bed germs. Remember that commercial from a few years back, for like Downy or something, where the guy is all clean then goes to jump into bed, freeze frame with him hovering over the bed and all the bed germs are pointed out. This commercial has scarred me. They even say that it doesn’t matter if you shower before bed and clean your sheets often, your bed still has like a zillion germs on it. GAH-ROSS.

5. Diseases from a public toilet. I don’t even have to elaborate on this one, it’s rational.

6. People fainting on me. This happened to me once in grade school. I already don’t like it when people don’t have control over their own bodies, don’t get me involved.

7. My cat sucking my soul as I sleep. I’ve heard cats like to lay on top of babies and suck their breath as they sleep. This scares me, even though I’m not a baby and my cat’s shown zero interest in my soul.

8. Swimming in the ocean. Things touch you when you swim in the ocean, I’ll put my feet in but that’s as far as this is gonna go. And I wont even put my feet in a lake, all that stagnant dirty water.

9. People who wear fanny packs or adults wearing backpacks. These people are clearly up to something.


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