Airplane Not So Buddy

25 Sep

You know how when you’re traveling alone on an airplane for upwards of four hours you just hope you get one of those really talkative over sharing individuals as your new best friend to sit next to for the duration of your flight? Me neither.

On Friday I flew to North Dakota to surprise my sister for her birthday. I flew from LAX, had a layover in Minneapolis, and then flew another hour to get to the teeny airport in ND where she lives. Luckily my first flight which was the 3+ hour flight went pretty smoothly. I was able to avoid all potential eye contact that would lead to any kind of small talk, and just listened to my music. But on the second flight I wasn’t so lucky.

It was one of those small planes, probably closer to a jet, that only fit like 30 people. Since I’m special I got stuck with the seat farthest back on the plane. It had to be an after thought when this jet was built. Right across from the bathroom, two seats without any kind of tray table situation or leg room. It was a dream (for like a fat man if he got to sit in both seats).

As I’m sitting in my seat getting situated for takeoff, about to put my ear buds in, the old man who’s sentenced to this death trap of a seat with me, also known as seat 13B (awesome name for a horror film if anyones looking “Seat 13B”), sits down next to me. Then he does my least favorite thing a person can do to me. Talking. Small talking. Ughughughugh. Why wasn’t I just a few seconds quicker with those ear buds!

Who want’s to hear this man’s life story? Me too, me too!

He was one of those old people who laughs at everything he says if he thinks it’s funny, even if no one else is laughing. No one else was laughing. He told me all about his wife, his kids, his sister who would be visiting the next day, his son’s fiance who’s stocky (his words not mine) and hunts caribou (a type of animal I presume), I know all the gory details. I don’t even like talking to people I do know why was this stranger talking to me? I couldn’t have possibly looked interested (that’s not true, I have this horrible quality where I can’t be mean to strangers {to their faces} even if I don’t care about what they’re saying to me, it’s awful).

To give you an idea of what this guy was like he’s an old Norwegian and lives in Grand Forks, North Dakota. BY CHOICE. Why don’t more people make fun of North Dakota? This really should be a thing.

Thank God this was my short flight and I really did learn an important lesson.

Board planes with ear buds already in (even if not listening to music, there is no coming back after someone takes an interest in talking to you on a plane) or vomit on anyone who insists on talking to you, I’m sure he would have relocated if only I could have pulled that off.

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