Archive | October, 2011

Perks Of A Small Town

31 Oct
  • Your neighbors love talking to you, I mean LOVE. I didn’t even know neighbors were still a thing. My favorite neighbor is the one who constantly repeats the fact that she grew up “on the streets of New York” (her words not mine) and despite the fact that I used to live in New York and have visited often, which I’ve told her, she keeps telling me about it like I’ve never been there. She did make me and my husband homemade spaghetti sauce with meatballs though, so she’s forgiven.
  • There are zero places to work in a small town so driving to work is always a commute. Luckily I love driving and prefer a commute to work, as long as were not talking traffic.
  • You can say things like “No we don’t shop there, that’s ALL the way across town.”, when talking about a place that’s 1.3 miles away.
  • Everybody knows your name. Which is creepy so you refuse to tell anyone your name, for fear of strangers approaching you and calling you by your first name.
  • You can hear the cannon go off during High School football games every time they score a touchdown, no matter where you are in town. Yeah I said cannon, a full-blown cannon.
  • The gas station can make gas prices whatever they want, cause guess what? Unless you’re smart enough to keep enough gas in your tank to get to a different town that’s at least 20 minutes away, you HAVE to get gas there. That goes for the only grocery store in town too.
  •  You could trick or treat the whole town in 30 minutes.
  • The town center is actually that, a cute little roundabout in the center of town lined with shops and city hall.
  • It’s really cozy and old timey. With town meetings, a basket case mayor, the town troubadour singing on the street corner, visitors staying at the Dragonfly Inn, a crazy townie who works at every establishment, weekly carnivals and town get togethers, and of course daily meetups at Luke’s Diner…….oh no wait that’s Gilmore Girls, my bad.

Home Videos

26 Oct

This time of year always reminds me of home videos from my childhood. And oh there are some good ones!

I think my family might own the most random set of home videos known to woman. And this is where I dish on all the goods and tell you about them in agonizing detail, or you know, just the jest. Now some of these videos I was too little to remember (except that false sense of memory you get from watching said videos over and over again) and others I could probably be to blame for their existence (*caugh*Brady*caugh*Bunch).

“Christmas 1992” scrolled across the sticker on the side of this VHS, in my mothers perfect handwriting. I’m not sure why but my older sister and I (she’s only a year older so just about every childhood memory I have is paired with “my older sister and I”) loved watching this tape when we were little. I was a few weeks shy of six that Christmas and the whole video is ridiculous. My father is the camera man, my mother refuses to be seen on the video so she keeps dodging it, and my sister and I are running around in feety pajamas. The video only makes it about halfway through the present opening. I wonder what happened there? Did my father’s arm get too tired from holding the camera sans a tripod? Was my mother sick of doing a duck and roll maneuver every time she needed to get across the room? Did my feety pajamas try to strangle me? All I know is the video cuts off right after we open a giant keyboard (that I do remember playing with as a kid) and I always wonder….what happened next?

There’s a video of the day my “Little Sister” was brought home from the hospital. It’s mostly my older sister and I (6 and 7 at the time) walking around our house pointing things out until we eventually make it to the nursery. I think it ends with baby sleeping in crib but I can’t be sure.

Okay fine this video was all my fault. I’m not really sure why but when I was little I super enjoyed singing and dancing, okay fine I still like singing and dancing, whatever. So I had this brilliant idea to choreograph a “Brady Bunch” song and dance on the trampoline. Sounds like something everyone wants to see, right? It was my sisters and I plus some family friends we’ve known for basically ever (a sister and brother). So all day we practiced in the basement, getting our parts just right and figuring out how to bounce on the trampoline in sync. The plan was to put on a show for our parents when we got it just right. Luckily our parents got out the video camera for this so they could enjoy our awesome performance for years to come! Or more like show it to us years later so we could all laugh at how terrible we really were. “Sha na na na, na na na na na, sha na na na na!”

My older sister and I (see I told you) decided to dress up my little sister and make a music video of her singing  songs by “Sammie” (who was young at the time, this was way before his feature on “Kiss Me Thru The Phone”). I actually super enjoy this video, and I know you would too. Everyone likes videos of 6 year olds who are clearly doing things that only their older siblings would force them to do.

I have a video from a Video Production class I took in 8th grade. It’s essentially me and my friends doing a rendition of the show “Friends” as if they were in High School. It’s so awful. So, so awful. I love it. I know there was a plot, a conflict, and the basic beginning, middle, and end necessary for a film to be a film, but really it was just an excuse for my friends and I to hang out after school for a few consecutive weeks. We put the film together quickly and spent most of our time hanging out at the “beach” (really just a run-off from the mountains that always had water flowing through it and  for some unknown reason had a floor of sand) and at the gas station that was just down a massive hill, through an apartment complex and across the “beach” from my house. I never turned in the video for credit, but still managed to pass the 8th grade.

A lot of these videos have multiple things on them, I just mentioned some of my favorites. Plus the aforementioned family friends have some pretty hilarious videos of us kids growing up together. Lots of head banging the refrigerator, birthday parties, spending the night for the first time, going around in a circle stating our name, age, and favorite color (this still happens one the rare occasion that we all end up in Colorado at the same time), and of course my favorite moment EVER captured on video…

My sisters and I are at the home of our family friend and our friends mother is going around in our usual “state your name, age, and favorite color…” circle to us and her daughter. My little sister is probably barely 2 and on a scan of the room we see her standing on a chair by herself by the counter. In the middle of someone answering the question we hear a loud fall in the background followed by a scream, as my sister falls from the chair. The camera is set on the counter as she goes to comfort the baby. Her daughter and myself (who obviously could care less about the screaming child and whether she’s okay or not) start ransacking the cupboard looking for cookies. But my older sister goes right up to the camera lens and starts talking to it. And in the best voice I’ve ever heard come out of a kid she says “Is she gonna be okay?! I hoooooooooooooooooope sooooooooooo.” Really you’ve gotta hear it to appreciate it fully and if it was in my spectrum of possibilities to attach the audio here I would. Cause everyone should hear it! The contrast between the screaming baby, the two kids seen in the background looking for snacks, and the kid up close and personal talking to a camera is just so perfect. We love making fun of this video when we get together. We always end up sitting around the TV going through tape after tape just laughing and wondering just who exactly was responsible for dressing us?!

Home videos are something I hope my future children enjoy as much as I did growing up. Will my home videos be as riveting and telling of the past as the ones my parents have captured? I hooooooooooooope soooooooooooooooooo.

Who Reads This Anyway?

21 Oct

I was just reading back through the archives and re-reading some of the stuff I’ve posted. It’s really all over the place isn’t it! Who reads this crap anyway?

I talk about nothing of importance, mostly make fun of people, and despite my addiction to spell check can point out at least two misspelled words. But I warned you I wasn’t going to write anything of importance in the “About Me” section, so if you expected anything more, you’ve only got yourself to blame.

For some more nonsense…

The dress pants I bought for work only have two belt loops in the front (no idea) so I was thinking about sewing at least one more belt loop on the back. Because obviously my belt doesn’t stay in place with just the two loops in the front and of course a belt is a part of the uniform. Then I was thinking how the hell am I going to do this without seriously jacking up the pants? The only kind of sewing I can do is buttons or sewing in a place that won’t be seen by the general public. I might just take my chances cause I’m a rebel like that.

My house is mostly set up. I just have to buy decorations, furnish a second bedroom, do something about a yard made of dirt rather than grass, and hang up the pictures and decorations I do have. Okay I lied, my house is far from finished.

I would like to be Gretel for Halloween and make my husband be Hansel. Wait Gretel is the girl right?

The movie “Crazy, Stupid, Love” was fantastic. You should be watching it right now.

The trees right outside my house leak sap like a mother father. The trees we have to park under. I’m telling you this because I should be outside washing my car, but I’m really lazy and would rather catch up on episodes of Up All Night, even though it’s not that funny.

Fave Of The Week

19 Oct

The Golden Gate Bridge

I’ve been to San Fransisco many times and have not once gone to the Golden Gate Bridge, until today. To tell you the truth I had no idea there was even anything there. I just assumed it was another bridge you drove over and sure it looked cool from afar and as you’re driving over it, plus it is the bridge from Full House, but that’s about it. And unless you’re driving over it in a top down convertible with Uncle Jesse what else could possibly be there right? But there is something there.

As you get out of your car at the overlook right before you drive over the bridge, you see a sprawling forest with some very “Twilight” looking trees. You know, the kind of trees that seem to reach for the sky, the ones Edward jumps out of his bedroom window and runs through with Bella on his back (and if you don’t know you’re missing out). There are like a zillion trails, some leading down to the water of the Pacific Ocean as it splashes onto rocks, others entwining through the forests, and even more leading up and around to the bridge. Really and truly its beautiful.

The weather is always perfect in San Fransisco. Not hot and just perfect for a light sweater or jacket. It’s windy, but not to the point of chasing plastic bags down the street windy. It’s sunny, yet overcast. It’s colder by the water, yet not cold enough to stop you from walking by the edge. It’s my favorite city.

At the bridge there are numerous overlooks on the trails and tons of perfect picture-taking spots. As you get to the part where you can actually walk across the bridge there’s this little cafe and gift shop to stop at. I’m not sure if it’s always swarming with people who are on break from lunch or something or if today was special. It’s definitely where I’d spend my free time if I lived there.

Board Games!

18 Oct

First of all I LOVE board games. Board games we’re a definite staple of my childhood. And every christmas we could expect at least a few new games for the family under the tree. They were a great way to pass the time and something fun to do as a family or when friends came over. In fact when I lived in New York (that one time) in like 10th grade, when the whole family would get together for the holidays, you could bet on all the cousins sitting at the table around an “Outburst” board. And then there was this EPIC GAME OF PICTIONARY (all caps, that’s how serious it was) but that’s another story all together, all you need to know is my two sisters VS. my three cousin siblings and the superior group won (us of course, no but really it was close and very epic to say the least). These are some of my favorites, or ones I have something to say about anyway.

Monopoly.

I sort of love/hate Monopoly. It’s a fun game, unless you’re losing. And it’s pretty easy to see who’s losing early on, and if that persons me, I quit. My husband had never played before (I know right, for the last year or so he’s asked me to teach him but I was so over it) but we recently sat down and played with my niece and nephew. And I sort of got into it all over again, so much so that we bought the new (or not so new? I’m not keeping up with all the Monopolies these days) one where it has electronic banking. We hated it, everyone has these credit card things and the banker just types in the money without their being any actual money (it’s a lot like our governments money system, no actual gold standard to back up this said money). Turns out playing with the rainbow-colored money is what makes Monopoly so appealing. P.S. Did you know if someone lands on a space and declines to buy it you’re supposed to auction off the property to the highest bidder? Um since when. And what do you mean Free Parking is just a space to park at? I don’t get any free money? Not in my house.

Pictionary.

This is probably my favorite game. But only if I can play with my cousins so we can all yell at each other the whole time and blame losing on our crappy artistic abilities, which of course we blame our parents for. Plus we’re the only ones who know if a circle with four stick legs is drawn, that it’s an animal and that’s as elaborate as the drawings gonna get so just keep guessing animals.

Clue.

I have Harry Potter clue, yeah you wish you were this cool. I never win this game, because I refuse to believe Colonel Mustard would ever do such a thing with the candlestick in the library. Anyone seen “Clue” the movie? I watched it like 80 times when I was a kid, don’t worry I wont ruin it for you (everyone did it).

Life.

I hate this game. Only because it’s all chance, and that stupid wheel thingy never spins right anyway. Plus I always end up having twins like 3 times and I have to start driving around two vehicles, I don’t think so. If I had twins twice in real life I’d just stop having kids, on principle.

Battleship.

Honestly this game is pretty boring, unless you have Pirates of the Caribbean Battleship. I know it sounds lame but it’s a little different from the original (your ships have special powers and stuff) and a lot more fun. I don’t even know if they sell this one anymore, if not you can borrow mine.

Parcheesi.

I’ll kick anyone’s ass any day of the week at this game. It’s a pretty useless skill that comes in handy never, that I have. It’s hard to find the original version of this game, usually only around the holidays and even then it’s mostly the Indian version (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

Scattergories.

Ugh. Just ugh. Being someone who fancies themselves good with words, I just can’t get it together on this game. Maybe it’s the pressure of the timer, or trying to concentrate on a single letter, or maybe I’m not actually good with words at all, well whatever it is, I suck at this game and therefore use whatever excuse necessary to get out of playing it. Yup that’s right I’m not above lying to get out of playing this one.

Mille Bornes.

Okay okay I know this one’s a card game but it’s the best! I don’t even know why it’s so fun. Using cards to take a trip and making other people crash or get flat tires, it’s great. Most people probably havent even heard of this one (it’s french and therefore it’s sophisticated, not really) but if you see it at your local Wal-Mart next to the UNO cards buy it, you won’t be disappointed. And if you are disappointed just return it, Wal-Mart loves when people return things, they told me so.

Highlights Of The Coming Week: Oct. 17th – Oct. 23rd

16 Oct

Monday the 17th –

National Boss Day. Unless there’s an Employee Day I vote we don’t celebrate this at all. Oh there is a National Employee Appreciation Day? Huh. I still say we skip this one.

Tuesday the 18th –

Training at my new job starts today. I’m both excited and not so excited about this. I guess I’ll let you know which one wins in the end.

Wednesday the 19th –

Going to San Francisco to go on a tour of the college I’ll be attending in January. Now this I KNOW I’m excited about. P.S. I love you San Francisco.

Thursday the 20th –

I know someone with a birthday today. Can’t remember who though, probably one of my 27 cousins (I know). Happy Birthday mystery person!

Friday the 21st –

Remember that preacher, Harold Camping, who had everyone believing The Rapture was going to be May 21st? Well now that The Rapture is over (NOTHING HAPPENED) the real dread begins because on this day everyone who was Left Behind will die. Party at my place?

Saturday the 22nd –

 9 days until Halloween! Last year I told everyone at work I was dressing up to work on the night of Halloween, so they would dress up too. I made a big deal and told everyone they simply HAD to dress up…..then I went to work in my regular uniform while everyone else wore costumes. Yup I’m that awesome.

Sunday the 23rd –

Mother In Law Day. That’s kinda like regular Mother’s Day but not, you get to wear party hats.

A Watched Pot Never Boils, And Other Idioms I Don’t Understand

14 Oct

A watched pot never boils. – Um yes it does. In fact it boils in the same exact amount of time it would if you weren’t watching it. Zero difference in boiling time.

You’re the apple of my eye. – Where do you people get these things? I so don’t wanna be the apple of anyones eye, sounds disgusting.

Close but no cigar. – I used to say this a lot when I was like 13, I don’t know where I picked it up and had no idea what the cigar had to do with anything, still don’t.

Curiosity killed the cat. – Did it really? I find that highly improbable.

Finger lickin’ good. – Ew, just ew.

Flipping the bird. – Why is the middle finger “the bird”? It doesn’t look like a bird or have any bird qualities. It can’t fly, doesn’t have wings, no beak, no weird-looking feet. I don’t get it.

You got up on the wrong side of the bed. – Which side is that exactly? The left or the right? I’d really like to avoid this at all costs. Although if I’m on the correct side of the bed, that means my husband will always be on the wrong side of the bed. You just can’t win can you.

The graveyard shift. – Why? Just why? I get that people are usually sleeping during “the graveyard shift” but what does that have to do with dead people? They’re ALWAYS sleeping (you know what I mean). Or are they saying if you work “the graveyard shift” you’ll die soon? Suspicious, very suspicious.

Hold your horses. – I’ve just decided I’m going to take it literal the next time someone says this to me. Life’s more fun when you take everything literal anyway.

It takes two to tango. – I’d just like to point out that I can in fact tango alone. It’s a challenge, but I manage.

Are you joshing me? – Who the hell is Josh? I need to have a word with him. That word is Hutcherson.

It’s a small world. – Wrong. Go back to school.

Who let the cat out of the bag? – Do you have any idea how hard it was to get the cat in the bag in the first place?!

Pulling your leg. – Instead of joking with people I’m gonna start actually pulling legs, look out.

Stealing someone’s thunder. – I’ll take a dozen eggs, some milk, and 3 pounds of thunder please (couldn’t decide if thunder should be a liquid or a solid, I went with a solid).

Peeping Tom. – Tom you better hold your horses. Didn’t you hear about what curiosity did to the cat! You must have gotten up on the left side of the bed cause I know Josh got up on the right side and it takes two to tango. Nah I’m just pulling your leg but seriously don’t take my thunder.