A Watched Pot Never Boils, And Other Idioms I Don’t Understand

14 Oct

A watched pot never boils. – Um yes it does. In fact it boils in the same exact amount of time it would if you weren’t watching it. Zero difference in boiling time.

You’re the apple of my eye. – Where do you people get these things? I so don’t wanna be the apple of anyones eye, sounds disgusting.

Close but no cigar. – I used to say this a lot when I was like 13, I don’t know where I picked it up and had no idea what the cigar had to do with anything, still don’t.

Curiosity killed the cat. – Did it really? I find that highly improbable.

Finger lickin’ good. – Ew, just ew.

Flipping the bird. – Why is the middle finger “the bird”? It doesn’t look like a bird or have any bird qualities. It can’t fly, doesn’t have wings, no beak, no weird-looking feet. I don’t get it.

You got up on the wrong side of the bed. – Which side is that exactly? The left or the right? I’d really like to avoid this at all costs. Although if I’m on the correct side of the bed, that means my husband will always be on the wrong side of the bed. You just can’t win can you.

The graveyard shift. – Why? Just why? I get that people are usually sleeping during “the graveyard shift” but what does that have to do with dead people? They’re ALWAYS sleeping (you know what I mean). Or are they saying if you work “the graveyard shift” you’ll die soon? Suspicious, very suspicious.

Hold your horses. – I’ve just decided I’m going to take it literal the next time someone says this to me. Life’s more fun when you take everything literal anyway.

It takes two to tango. – I’d just like to point out that I can in fact tango alone. It’s a challenge, but I manage.

Are you joshing me? – Who the hell is Josh? I need to have a word with him. That word is Hutcherson.

It’s a small world. – Wrong. Go back to school.

Who let the cat out of the bag? – Do you have any idea how hard it was to get the cat in the bag in the first place?!

Pulling your leg. – Instead of joking with people I’m gonna start actually pulling legs, look out.

Stealing someone’s thunder. – I’ll take a dozen eggs, some milk, and 3 pounds of thunder please (couldn’t decide if thunder should be a liquid or a solid, I went with a solid).

Peeping Tom. – Tom you better hold your horses. Didn’t you hear about what curiosity did to the cat! You must have gotten up on the left side of the bed cause I know Josh got up on the right side and it takes two to tango. Nah I’m just pulling your leg but seriously don’t take my thunder.

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