Now Will You Give Me Money?

3 Nov

First of all, college is expensive. I can barely afford to pay all my bills while working full-time and NOT going to school. You people think I’ve got an extra 40 grand a year stashed somewhere? Well let me tell you I don’t, or I’d be on a permanent vacation eating bon bons at home, or something else way more fun. And we all know how cheap I am. Oh I haven’t yet let everyone in on that little tidbit of info? Well I am. I hate spending money and am a huge fan of my savings account. I despise every penny I have to spend, unless it’s on something I really want or something yummy. I think we can all agree that something yummy always wins.

Second of all, yes I’m counting, you have to apply to college. Apply? And rack up thousands of dollars of debt? It’s almost as if they don’t want you to get a higher education. God I hate the phrase “higher education”, I just used it here to practice tolerance but it’s not doing much for me. Let’s not forget at most colleges you have to pay to apply. They’re not even guaranteeing you admittance, but they’ll take 100 bucks to read their thousandth essay this year about Hillary Clinton being your hero, liar.

Third, and most importantly, if you want some free money to help you pay for this piggy bank breaker known as college, the essays don’t stop with Hillary. Scholarships are actually a fantastic invention, wait things that aren’t really tangible can be invented right? You can find scholarships for just about everything…being left-handed, having green eyes, loving bucket hats (and really who doesn’t?). Just yesterday I was filling out a scholarship application (for Hispanics, duh) and it had three essay questions, to be answered in 600 – 800 word answers…

1. Describe a recent academic challenge you have faced. Explain how you overcame it.

They basically just want you to bs here right? I mean what do they want to hear about a really troublesome math test from tenth grade? Boring, oh so boring. I hope to never be the unfortunate soul who has to sift through peoples responses to these questions.

2. Tell us about your academic career short-term / long-term goals. How has your hispanic heritage influenced these goals?

OMG really? I can come up with my career goals and easily make it span the 600 words, but hispanic heritage? Uh well we had spanish rice growing up and on occasion had taco bowl parties, is that good enough? Is that hispanic enough for you? Can I have some money now? PS. I vomit without fail anytime I eat spanish rice, in case you were wondering.

3. Describe your participation in extracurricular activities. What have you learned from your experience(s)?
(Examples may include: community service, volunteer work, employment, school clubs, sports, family, church, etc.)

For this question I focused extensively on a program I was in, in middle school, called the Star Program. It was supposedly for “gifted” students. We always gathered in a group in the library and had to do special projects and homework. It was literally a ragtag group of about 9 from my grade. As I was writing about it and remembering being a part of this program I started to think. “Gifted” sounds a lot like code for “special”, and special sounds a lot like “don’t eat the paste” special. I mean think about it, we needed special alone time in the library to do our work, we met like once a month to check on our progress, they told us we were the “smart”ones (don’t they do that thing where the kids in the special classes are supposed to think they’re smart and in some kind of regular class? But everyone else knows it’s the retard class.), and lets face it it was called the “Star Program”. I’m pretty sure I babbled along all high and mighty for 800 words about being in the sped class, great.

Now will you give me money? Now can I have ALL of the money?

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3 Responses to “Now Will You Give Me Money?”

  1. Cassandra November 3, 2011 at 8:06 pm #

    Hahaha sped!!!! You crack me up. And I love me some Spanish rice!

  2. Valerie Henderson November 4, 2011 at 5:16 pm #

    oh and i definitely remember you throwing up after spanish rice…however, i still find it delicious!

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