Archive | February, 2012

Chinese Mafia

27 Feb

Remember that post I wrote a few months ago about not having chinese food in a long time and about how Thai food is a lot like having bad chinese food without the promise of a fortune cookie at the end? Oh you don’t? Well don’t worry you didn’t really miss anything. But anyways, on Valentine’s Day my husband and I set out on a mission to get good chinese food. Yes I’m well aware that Valentine’s Day was almost two weeks ago, but I’ve been busy putting myself into debt with school and such.

Just so were on the same page here let me explain that my husband is the kind of person who looks up everything on his phone. I promise you he can’t get anywhere without it. Flashlight, level, maps, instagram, bar code scanner thingy, and if ever you’re thinking about going somewhere new, or anywhere at all actually, you better believe he’s gonna Yelp it and tell you precisely how many stars, what kind of service and read you multiple reviews about said place. Now since I’m not the kind of person who gives a crap what Debby from Smithtown thinks about the egg rolls or how crunchy they are, I just let him do his thing and pick the place, nodding with feigned interest as he reads me reviews. 

So the first place we pull up to looks pretty decent from the outside. Not necessarily like your standard chinese joint but definitely like a place that gets regular business. We walk in and the place is apparently very deceiving in size from the outside because what looked like at least a medium-sized restaurant had three tables inside. The lady who greeted us (one of those you can’t tell if she’s speaking chinese or english types) sits us at a table and then disappears into the back of the restaurant. We start looking through the one page menus that are lying on our table.

Me: They don’t have lo mein.

Him: What? They must.

Me: How do they not have lo mein?

We exchange a doubtful look about this place deserving any of those three and a half stars at all.

Him: Should we just go?

Me: We can’t just go, aren’t there rules about being seated in a restaurant and not being able to just leave?

Him: Their aren’t any rules like that. She hasn’t even brought us water yet, we can just go.

Me: Oh God she’s probably getting us water right now! 

Him: Let’s get out of here!

He grabs my hand and we dash out the front door, before the dreaded water receival forces us into settling for chow mein.

The next place we pulled up to looked more like a chinese buffet from the outside. Which at this point I’m totally okay with because I’m starving. We pulled up on the side of the building so as we’re walking around the corner to get to the front door we see a homeless man sitting on the bench right beside the entrance. A homeless man who’s cussing loudly at the fresh air beside him while flailing his body to and fro. He was literally so close if you didn’t skirt around him when you entered one of his flailing arms might hit you. He reminded me of this homeless man who used to come into Chuck E. Cheese when I was a manager there, steal a salad off the salad bar and fall asleep with his swollen face and hands dug into the salad, every time. And every time I had to call the cops who would come drag him out of my child filled restaurant. As we enter the chinese place my husband makes a comment that they should probably call the cops, homeless men greeting your customers with a friendly smack is probably bad for business.

We’re seated and have our water within minutes, damn no leaving this time, it better be good. The waiter comes to take our order and we have a lengthy discussion about whether or not he knows what lo mein is (lengthy because he was hard to understand and because again no lo mein on the menu!). In the end he was very helpful and we ordered a plate of lo mein and a plate of chicken fried rice.

As we’re sitting an older guy comes barging in through the side door from outside, waving a handful of papers and yelling at the man behind the counter. The man behind the counter didn’t take this lightly and started clearly reprimanding the older fellow in front of everyone. They move it to the back but don’t go much farther than the swinging door because everyone can still hear them. From a large group of chinese people who moments ago you might have thought were enjoying a nice meal with the family, a few men get up (then you notice the aprons around their waists) and push their way into the back. I love every minute of this drama. After a few moments where there are very little workers present and we have time to look around and realize all the people sitting around us, first of all, are all male but most of them have vanished or are staring around wondering if they should pull out their guns yet, this of course is what I assume they’re thinking. A young girl comes out from the back and while never looking up from the ground asks us if we want more water. Nuh-uh lady just some popcorn and a Pepsi.

Obviously we chose to dine at the chinese mafia house for lunch but the lo mein was delicious and the entertainment was an unexpected bonus. So if you’re ever in the Modesto area and are looking for a good meal and don’t mind the threat of random gunfire make sure to check out the Golden Dumpling (I have no idea what the actual name of the place was, but I figured I couldn’t be that far off if I just followed a chinese word noun with an adjective), just don’t be alarmed by the gang of small chinese men or the overly handsy guy out front, I promise they’re a good time.

P.S. On my way back from the bathroom I saw through the front windows the homeless man being taken away by the cops in an ambulance, in case you were wondering how his life turned out.


70 Dolla Holla

8 Feb

It’s very rare that I come across an internet video that I actually enjoy and don’t feel like I’m wasting precious minutes of my life by watching. I mean, I love cats playing piano as much as anyone but don’t make me watch an internet video of it, I will tell you about all the minutes of my life you’re wasting and about how I’ll never get them back.

That reminds me, I learned a disturbing fact in one of my high school classes (economics or something like that, possibly sociology). The amount of time the average person will spend at traffic lights (driving or passenger) in their lifetime is in the years (I say this “years” rather loosely because an exact time frame was given but hell if I remember it, it was more than a year though). But just think about that, even if it was just one year, ONE YEAR! At least a whole year of everyone’s existence will be spent sitting at red lights, eff that noise.

**Someone needs to be my google and look up that fact or statistic or whatever it happens to be.    

Anyhoo, these are a few (the only) internet videos I find worth any kind of time at all. Except that sneezing panda one you’ve gotta watch that, it’s a classic. 

P.S. Click the picture for the link, there’s no way I’d ever pay 70$ to be able to upload videos to my posts.

The Hillywood Show: Breaking Dawn Part 1 Parody

I can’t even begin to tell you how awesome I think this video is. I don’t know who these people are but they’re probably gonna be my new group of friends! It’s so over the top that it’s amazing. And fantastic job on the sets If I do say so myself. I love Kristen Stewart but this girl could have been cast as Bella and I would have been okay with that. The Hillywood Show has other great parodies you should probably check out too, including parodies of all the other Twilight movies thus far…HAVIN’ MY BABY!!

10 Misconceptions Rundown


People believe the darndest things don’t they. My favorite is number one, but don’t worry I won’t ruin the video for you. Just know that you sleep with your gob wide open and that grosses me out more than anything.

Marriage Proposal

I looooooooooooove this video. You can skip the part at the beginning though where it’s the night before and the guys just talking. Seriously how good is the look on her face!!


That’s it, just those three for now. I’ll keep you posted if there’s anything else out their worthwhile that you’re missing in the future.

I must go watch Teen Mom 2 now, this is the one I’ve been waiting for!! Where it all hits the fan.

Edit* This post was titled “70 Dolla Holla” before WordPress informed me that this was my 70th post but now it just seems all the more fitting. Just in case you were wondering.

Crazy Pants

6 Feb

An excerpt of random thought: While Driving

{ } These are me singing out loud in my car. Bonus if you can tell me what song I’m listening to on repeat the whole way home I’ll give you a candy bar (no I won’t).

Is that a cop or a taxi creeping up behind me? I should probably slow down so I can find out. Oh, just a taxi. Wait, a taxi? Their are like .3 people in each of these towns, who needs a taxi? Must have driven here all the way from New York.  

{I stare at a picture of you and listen to the radio}

Today’s Monday right? Yeah, oh good I’m off the next three days! I have so much to do though, to clean, to organize, and the devil itself, laundry. Why is it a shirt can hang in my closet for two years and still be considered clean but if I put it on and wear it for four hours it’s dirty? Who makes this stuff up? Somebody needs to sit sown and change the parameters of dirty vs. clean laundry, not me though, I obviously have better things to do.

It’s already February 6th. Almost Valentine’s Day. Geez.

{I go out and I sit down at a table set for two, and finally I’m forced to face the truth}

 Eff this little stretch of road not even a quarter of a mile long where the speed limit goes from 55 to 45, you’re messing with my cruise control.

Laugh out loud, I saw someone earlier who was attempting to speak spanish and it looked more like trying to do sign language. That awkward moment when attempting to speak spanish looks more like attempting to do sign language. That’s hilarious, note to self, put in blog post at some point. I’m so good at “That awkward moment when…”‘s.

I’m off tomorrow, yay.

{Not over you, not over you, not over you}

Oh shoot I just passed the last gas station on my way home. I’ll make it 12 more miles right? It’s okay that the lights been on since before I got to work right? Guess I’ll find out.

OMG I neeed to see the new Rachael McAdams movie, “The Vow”. That’s gonna be a tear jerker for sure. Is it even out yet? Their were like four other movies I was excited to see too but I can’t remember what they were. HUNGER GAMES.

I’m off tomorrow!

I’m hungry, burrito time.

{You took this heart and put it through hell, but still you’re magnificent. IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII’m a boomerang}

I have so many fantastic ideas for a fun/crazy awesome photo shoot, Analiza better get back here quick so we can follow through with all our crazy plans. Hahaha that night we sat up just coming up with some ridiculous plans!! Cause we’re awesome.

Thank goodness I’m off tomorrow!!  

{If you ask me how I’m doing, I would say I’m doing just fine, I would lie and say that you’re not on my mind}

I have so many games of Scramble with Friends to catch up on. I probably shouldn’t do that while driving ri… Ugh! Dead animal on the side of the road. (Flashes of that enormous pile of road kill from the movie “House Of  Wax” go through my mind, which is what I think of every time I see roadkill.) 


Why do these folks have to park right in front of my house all the time?

You’re all crazy pants.