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Composition For The Artist

13 Mar

This is a paper I had to write for my Composition For The Artist class…

Who Me?

I was 14 years old the first time a stranger called me ornery. I was sitting with my older sister in her guidance counselors office while she signed up for high school classes. I no doubt made some remark about the cramped office and how the counselor, Mrs. Snowburger, still managed to stuff eighty-seven little cat figures into every nook and cranny of the space, I counted. Or maybe it was the comment I made under my breath about her last name, it was probably almost definitely one of those two things that led her to the conclusion that I’m ornery. When my mother came home from work that evening I told her what the counselor had said and asked her what it meant, because at the time I didn’t know. My mothers first reaction was to laugh. Partly because she knew it was the truth but also because looking down at the wide-eyed scrawny 14-year-old in front of her she knew without a doubt I was indeed her daughter.

I was born in Wiesbaden Germany on January 6th 1987. Growing up my father was in the Army, so we did a lot of travelling. I’ve lived everywhere from New York to Louisiana to Colorado and so many places in between. My mother was a part-time stay at home mom and a part-time whatever job should could get wherever we happened to be living at the time mom. I was raised in a house with all girls apart from my father. I have an older sister that’s a year older than me and a sister that’s six years younger than me. My older sister and I grew up very close. Having to move around every few years and say goodbye to all of our friends, she was the only friend who never left.

My parents got divorced when I was thirteen. That is usually a pretty traumatizing event in any childs life but really it was the opposite for my family. My parents splitting up was the best thing for my mother and once the divorce was finalized she moved my two sisters and myself from Colorado to Nebraska where she took a job running a restaurant and a chance to start over. With the divorce came seeing my father less and less, when he decided to leave my mother he chose to leave us kids as well, which I suppose is the case for some people.

By the time I graduated I had attended five different high schools. Not because I ever got expelled or in trouble in school but because we kept bouncing from place to place. In fact in school I just kept my head down and did the minimum that was required of me to get the heck out of there. I graduated a semester early just so I didn’t have to be in school anymore. I remember my counselor bringing me into his office one day and telling me I had enough credits to graduate the following month if I wanted to. He told me I had to have a really good reason for doing so though, so I made up this lame excuse about needing to work more at my job to save money to attend college the following fall. He didn’t need to know that I already worked full-time or that I had no plans to attend college, like ever.

I had no idea of what I wanted to be when I grew up until five years out of high school. People had always told me I should be a stand up comedian or something like that but the idea of public speaking for a living completely freaks me out. I was living in Omaha Nebraska and working as a manager at a job that I could have very easily made a career out of when I finally realized I wanted to be a screenwriter. I had always enjoyed writing and for whatever reason people seem to think I’m funny. My initial interest was to do sitcom writing but as I explore writing more and more my interests keep broadening.

I know it’s really lame but it was the show Dawson’s Creek that first made me even think about writing for television. There was just something about those characters and the relationships build over the six season span of the show that made it click that’s what I wanted to do. I wanted to write relatable characters like that and build relationships that really made you care about the actors as if you really knew them. With being a screenwriter for television you get to spend a lot of time with your characters and develop them into whoever you want them to be.

I got married in 2009 to the only person in the world that would move across the country just to help me follow my dreams. Almost two years ago my husband and I both quit our jobs, packed up and headed for California. We didn’t have a place to live or jobs to replace our old ones, we just kind of leaped head first. When we moved here I still wasn’t really ready to go to school, but after exploring the industry and looking into schools I finally decided I wanted to go to The Academy Of Art University in San Francisco. The main thing that drew me to this particular school was the fact that they don’t just teach you your major, you also get to learn every aspect of the entertainment industry, which really interests me. This is my third semester at the Academy and I honestly love it. Some people know exactly what they want to be from a young age but I’m glad I waited to go to school until I was sure of what I wanted to be. Until I was sure the debt would be worth it. For the first time in a long time I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be and doing exactly what I’m meant to be doing.

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I didn’t get to move all across the country when I was little, I wouldn’t have met my husband if I had taken that job offer to run my own restaurant for the company I was working for, and I certainly wouldn’t be me if you couldn’t tell after minutes of meeting me that I’m without a doubt, incredibly ornery.


No Idea

29 Sep

I opened a door on my face yesterday. I can’t even properly open a door I’ve been opening at least once daily for over a year. Stellar.

I always make lists of like a gazillion things I need to get done and only ever end up accomplishing .3 of those things. This is only slightly exaggerated.

I only like cherry sours if their not sour. I’m not sure what this says about myself. Maybe I only like things that are the opposite of what they seem. Maybe I only like things that are deceitful. Maybe I just really hate sour candy.

There’s this song on the radio that goes “My chick bad, lookin like a bag of money” and I just don’t understand. I’m sorry, wait…what? Your chicks bad and she looks like a bag of money? Or your chicks bad because she looks like a bag of money? And how are either of these supposed to be good? Is she a little burlappy and you’re into that kinda thing? Explain this to me.

I love how this blog has turned into a bunch of posts of random lists that don”t have anything to do with each other. Actually I don’t love this, I’m just too lazy to flesh out any kind of real stories so this happens instead. I apologize. Also, why are you reading this?

I was supposed to make a movie for my Motion Picture Language class tonight but instead I drank wine and watched Seinfeld, and I’m  not even a little bit upset about this.

I love the song “Some Nights” by Fun. Watch the video it’s amazing.

Oh speaking of opening a door on my face, on the first day of class this semester I totally tripped up a stage and fell on my ass in front of my whole class. Now I’m not the kind of person who ever trips over anything, ever. I kinda pride myself on being able to maneuver steps and small objects without any incident. And I certainly never trip in front of large groups of people. But that wasn’t the case three hours into Appreciation Of Actors on the first day when it was my turn to monologue in front of the whole class. It wasn’t one of those play it off trips either, I was on my ass and everyone was watching me.  Admit it, I’m the coolest person you know.

Admit it.

Crazy Pants

6 Feb

An excerpt of random thought: While Driving

{ } These are me singing out loud in my car. Bonus if you can tell me what song I’m listening to on repeat the whole way home I’ll give you a candy bar (no I won’t).

Is that a cop or a taxi creeping up behind me? I should probably slow down so I can find out. Oh, just a taxi. Wait, a taxi? Their are like .3 people in each of these towns, who needs a taxi? Must have driven here all the way from New York.  

{I stare at a picture of you and listen to the radio}

Today’s Monday right? Yeah, oh good I’m off the next three days! I have so much to do though, to clean, to organize, and the devil itself, laundry. Why is it a shirt can hang in my closet for two years and still be considered clean but if I put it on and wear it for four hours it’s dirty? Who makes this stuff up? Somebody needs to sit sown and change the parameters of dirty vs. clean laundry, not me though, I obviously have better things to do.

It’s already February 6th. Almost Valentine’s Day. Geez.

{I go out and I sit down at a table set for two, and finally I’m forced to face the truth}

 Eff this little stretch of road not even a quarter of a mile long where the speed limit goes from 55 to 45, you’re messing with my cruise control.

Laugh out loud, I saw someone earlier who was attempting to speak spanish and it looked more like trying to do sign language. That awkward moment when attempting to speak spanish looks more like attempting to do sign language. That’s hilarious, note to self, put in blog post at some point. I’m so good at “That awkward moment when…”‘s.

I’m off tomorrow, yay.

{Not over you, not over you, not over you}

Oh shoot I just passed the last gas station on my way home. I’ll make it 12 more miles right? It’s okay that the lights been on since before I got to work right? Guess I’ll find out.

OMG I neeed to see the new Rachael McAdams movie, “The Vow”. That’s gonna be a tear jerker for sure. Is it even out yet? Their were like four other movies I was excited to see too but I can’t remember what they were. HUNGER GAMES.

I’m off tomorrow!

I’m hungry, burrito time.

{You took this heart and put it through hell, but still you’re magnificent. IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII’m a boomerang}

I have so many fantastic ideas for a fun/crazy awesome photo shoot, Analiza better get back here quick so we can follow through with all our crazy plans. Hahaha that night we sat up just coming up with some ridiculous plans!! Cause we’re awesome.

Thank goodness I’m off tomorrow!!  

{If you ask me how I’m doing, I would say I’m doing just fine, I would lie and say that you’re not on my mind}

I have so many games of Scramble with Friends to catch up on. I probably shouldn’t do that while driving ri… Ugh! Dead animal on the side of the road. (Flashes of that enormous pile of road kill from the movie “House Of  Wax” go through my mind, which is what I think of every time I see roadkill.) 


Why do these folks have to park right in front of my house all the time?

You’re all crazy pants.

Three Years Old

31 Jan

A lady breastfed her kid in front of me at work the other day. While I was sitting right next to her helping her pick out portraits of her kid. Now I’m not sure why but I’m defiantly not down with the whole breastfeeding in public thing. Especially if you’re sitting less than a foot away from a stranger who’s just trying to do her job and get through a brief slide show so she can collect her minimum wage and get on with her life. Also it might have had something to do with the fact that her kid was three. You read it right, Three. Years. Old. If your kid can come up to you, grab your boob and say “I want milk mommy.” it’s probably time to give it a rest. It just baffled me the way she lifted her shirt up, stuck his head under and just kept going with the conversation as her son stood there eating his lunch, it was so bizarre. I’m surprised I held it together. It was one of those awkward moments where my eyebrow expressions gave away exactly what I was thinking anyway.

Now don’t get me wrong I’m all for anyone who decides to go the breastfeeding route, more power to ya. But bottle that stuff at home, isn’t that what those pumps are for? Or at least don’t sit right next to me and have your kid with a full set of teeth going to town under your shirt, it’s disturbing.

People must have thought the first person to drink cows milk was like a super weirdo right? Imagine being that guy. Going up to this big fat animal with giant nipples hanging under it, squeezing them only to have a white liquid come out and then drinking it!? Yup people hated that guy. I still hate that guy.   


Don’t Worry, I Don’t Know What This Post Is Really About Either…

20 Jan

My favorite part about deodorant is when it gets near the end and keeps flopping out of the holder and onto the floor. Also I really like when I buy new body wash because I ran out, but totally forget to put it in the shower until 4 minutes into my shower.

I probably should have done laundry today. And the dishes. AND I’m probably gonna spend my day off tomorrow avoiding doing these things all over again.

Bananas smell way better than they taste.

French fries should be their own food group. And you should need three servings a day.

I took a typing test the other day just for fun to see how fast I can type and I type 52 words per minute. I’m adding that to my resume. In middle school we had to take a typing class and tests all the time. They had those shields over your hands and keyboard so you couldn’t look at the keys. I would just slouch in my seat so I could see under the shield, such a cheater.

I don’t care about football. Or sports for that matter. Or whatever a Tebow is.

If you don’t already watch the show “Shameless” on Showtime, you need to put down your iPhone and get on that.

My blog has been acting weird lately. It shows me the stats all funny and won’t let me click half the things. It also had this big red warning sign that said my version of Internet Explorer was outdated and I needed to upgrade, which I prominently ignored, as I do every other pop up warning my computer throws in my face. I wonder if that’s the problem.  

Guys remember 2 years ago when Jesse McCartney was gonna release his “Have It All CD” and still HASN”T!? Lets fire that guy.

I gave my dogs both baths tonight and I feel super accomplished. I can’t ever have kids though. There’s no way I can be responsible for something that needs a bath more than once a month, I just can’t.

Is Leah from “Teen Mom 2” really pregnant again? With twins again?! Which one of you knows her personally and can give me the scoop on the baby bump?

Dollar Store-ies

14 Jan

This is the exact conversation I had with the cashier at the Dollar Store as she’s ringing me out…

Lady: (As she’s reading the wrapping of the candy I’m purchasing, because of course what else would I be buying at the Dollar Store) So it’s vanilla and then covered with chocolate?

It takes me a second to register she’s talking to me because I hate small talk and find it confusing when people take it upon themselves to drag me into this ridiculous cycle of exchanging meaningless words with strangers. So I just stare at her and then nod.

Lady: Mmm that sounds yummy.

What I should have said: Yes of course they’re yummy! Do you think I would have dragged my lazy self out of the house at 5pm when I just woke up a few hours ago for anything less than yummy!? Let’s not be ridiculous lady.

But instead I continued to stare at her and then reached for my wallet. As she’s waiting for me to resurface the depths of my purse with some money she starts caressing the heart-shaped Valentine’s Day balloons that are displayed right next to her.

Lady: We got these new balloons.

It was like the beginning of a sales pitch where she asks me if I’d like to purchase a balloon for a holiday that’s a month away, but she just stopped there.

I swipe my card and put in my pin at lightening speed, cause I’m a pro at paying debit. And she says this as she looks at the balloons.

Lady: They’re kind of an awkward shape though.

And she’s not wrong, they were obviously the batch of wrongly cut heart shapes that I’m sure crop up at dollar stores around the nation. But why was she telling me this? I barely uttered a word to her and she thinks I wanna hear about the awkward balloons?

I’m obviously the MOST fun person to ring out if you’re a cashier.

Have you ever been to one of those dollar stores where everything isn’t just a dollar? What’s up with those?

MySpace, Who?

13 Jan

I tried logging into my MySpace account just now, because like duh I just found this really cute new layout I neeeed to use and wanna change my profile song to “MMMBop”. But no really I haven’t been on MySpace in years and I totally forgot my email/password. So after like ten minutes of guess-work and trying to remember what email I used and then the right order in which to put the name/number/adjective, I finally got it right! But there’s just no way I’ll ever be able to come up with whatever the last password my teen-angst-self could have come up with. So I hit “Forgot Password” thinking it’ll ask me the standard “Whats’s your mother’s maiden name?” or “What street did you grow up on?”, you know questions any relative can answer, but instead it says that a change password email was sent to the email I just spent ten minutes trying to come up with. Which wouldn’t be a problem, except the only reason I stopped using that email was because I couldn’t remember the password in the first place. So what’s the point of the story? My MySpace account is forever frozen in time! I hope the people of the future continue to preserve it museum style when they dig it up.

…After typing that whole paragraph I went back to MySpace one more time so I could at least tell you guys what mood I would be frozen forever with (Excited!! {um what for? cryptic MySpace mood?}) and what song we would listen to together for eternity (“Party People” by Nelly feat. Fergie) and I tried one more time to guess my password and it was totally right! Now I could have just wiped that whole first paragraph there about not being able to access my account but then the hour I spent hacking into my own MySpace would feel like a total waste, so I kept it, you’re welcome.

P.S. Remember that thing MySpace always did where it was super slow and anytime you tried going to another page or a friend’s account it would freeze up? Yeah it still does that.