I’m The Worst Adult

10 Aug

I don’t even know how to be a proper adult…

I still wait to do laundry until it’s bursting out the sides of my hamper.

The plates on my car expired a year ago, you heard right, a full year ago they expired. Not to mention I still have Nebraska plates even though I moved to California over a year ago. Whoopsie.

When I have to get up early my brain does this awesome thing where it starts reasoning with itself, bargaining for a few more minutes of sleep… “Well you do already know exactly what you’re going to wear today and you did have a late dinner last night so you probably don’t need any breakfast, that’s another 12 minutes you can sleep.” And then my half asleep brain manages to reset my alarm for 12 minutes later. And 12 minutes later it continues with an even more ridiculous bargaining strategy…”I’m pretty sure I parked on the side of the street closest to the house so I don’t have to walk across the street plus I left my shoes right by the front door instead of in the closet, that’s at least another 2 minutes I can sleep.” I can’t even tell you how long this goes on for.

For dinner yesterday I had Mike & Ikes and a bag of hot fries. And it wasn’t one of those oh shoot I forgot to pack something for dinner I guess I’m stuck eating out of the vending machine type of situations, this is what I chose to have for dinner. This is not healthy.

Their are like a bajillion stray dogs and cats in my neighborhood and I want them all. There’s one dog in particular who’s just so fuzzy and he lays in the middle of the street all day soaking up the sun, not worried about cars running him over, he just rolls around in the middle of the street. I swear if I could budgetarely afford it I’d take them all. Lets just pretend budgetarely is a word and that’s how you spell it cause I just made it up. Look at me all adult and shit making up words. Where you at Webster?

I wait to put gas in my car until the literal last second possible. Even though I’m fully aware of how bad that is for my car.

I know zero things about politics but I could tell you who Mila Kunis is dating.

Whatever.

 

 

 

 

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4:30

13 Jul

I’m sitting on the train to school right now. It’s 6:41am and I’ve been up since 4:30. There are very little things I hate more than 4:30am.

My face is sunburnt and my eyelids are heavy. My homework isn’t completely done yet. I’d really like to write a whole post about the teacher for my first class, my undone homework class, because he’s little and he’s Asian and he’s always got his hand on his hip and no body can understand a thing he says until we decipher it after class as a group (ful-um = film, duh), but I won’t.

Somebody just sat next to me even though there are plenty of double seats open still, these people are the worst. The. Worst. Oh also something that drives me crazy, I hate it when if all the seats are getting full and I’ll look around and girls are standing while guys are sitting. I’m not talking elderly or girls with babies on their hips, I just mean girls in general. What kind of man can just sit on a train if girls are standing? Now don’t get me wrong i’m perfectly fine with standing and I’d probably refuse if a seat was offered cause I’m an independent empowered lady and such. I’m just sayin, get up pansy and be a man, make your momma proud.

Now it’s 7:09 and I’m still on the train. “Digital Get Down” is blaring through my ear phones and were about to pass my favorite place on this train ride. It’s an outdoor theater in what looks like somebody’s back yard. It’s by no means beautiful by the standard definition, but somehow it really is. Something about it screams art and I can’t get over that in all the mess they’ve pulled together whatever resources necessary to make this shambled theater. I like they’re priorities. I’ll try to take a picture but I’m on a moving train with reflecting windows so you know how that goes.

Yup the picture didn’t work at all, unless you’re a huge fan of blur. Anyhoo time to walk a block in the cold San Francisco air and get on the shuttle to class! Did I mention I love public transportation?

I Love Going To Film School But What I Love Even More Is Pretending Everyone I Meet Is Dawson Leery

1 Jul

Here I am! It’s been so long since I’ve posted in this thing! Partly because I’m trying to transition over to Tumblr and partly because I just don’t have anything good to say. I know, I know, hard to believe.

I started school two weeks ago and I’m insanely in love with it. It’s only insane because of how much I despised High School and how I swore up and down for years that I would never go to College. Yet here I am.

Also I must say if it was just any regular University where your first two years are made up of core classes such as Math and English, I would probably hate it. But with my first semester consisting of classes like Cinematic Storytelling and Non-Linear Computer Editing, things that will actually help me in my career, it’s perfect.

The campus is all over downtown San Francisco, but the buildings are based on majors so most of my classes will be in one of two buildings. The commute itself from my house to school is a disaster and a half. I have to get up at 4am just to make it to class by 8:30am, twice a week and the other five days I go to work. There’s a whole drive through traffic, train ride, walk, and then a shuttle ride for me to get to school. I think that’s the biggest indicator that I like this school so much, that commute doesn’t piss me off. And uh that commute should probably piss me off.   

Have I mentioned San Francisco is my all time favorite city? Well it is. I love the weather, I love wearing scarves (that’s the plural of scarf right?) in the summer because it’s always cold in San Francisco, I love the scenery, I love all the people, even the homeless ones who scream obscenities out of their megaphones.

Oh you guys missed this (because I didn’t tell you) but for my husbands Birthday I took him to a fancy hotel in San Francisco and we stayed the night, just the two of us hanging out. It was a cocktail hour, room service, dinner on the roof, hot tub, shopping. It was A-mazing and that’s all I have to say about that. 🙂

Speaking of Dawson Leery did anyone see that new show where James Van Der Beek plays himself, “Don’t Trust The B In Apt 23”? It was awful and I’m pretty sure they’ve already cut it from the fall lineup.

I apologize that this wasn’t a very funny post. I know you people wrongfully think I’m witty.

 

 

 

 

 

Vegas Baby

17 Apr

I love Las Vegas. I’m not one of those people who live to party or has even seen the inside of a club since I was 18. But man there’s something about Vegas.

It might have something to do with the fact that everything is so over the top and fancy that I feel like a rock star. I love everything about it. You’ll never talk to so many strangers in a 4 day period ever again, cause everyone’s just a tourist in Vegas and we’re all there to have a good time. I love the massive casinos and free drinks, I love music blaring out of speakers everywhere you go (because obviously I think the world should be played to music, like the way laughter is constantly playing in the background of a sitcom, sure eventually we might learn to tune it out and it’ll become inconsequential, but still,  MUSIC EVERYWHERE),  I love the zip line on Fremont St and the freaks who come out at night.

I just got back from a trip to Vegas for my friend’s wedding and these we some of the things you missed….

  1. The Venetian Hotel. If you’re going to Vegas do yourself a favor and stay at the Venetian, it’s beautiful. It’s a little slice of Italy, gondolas and all. I’m gonna go ahead and say it’s my favorite of them all, so like just go there already.
  2.  The water show at the Bellagio is pretty great but if you’ve seen the one at Disneyland, I apologize it does not compare, just keep walking.
  3. There was this guy dressed up as a girl down on Freemont St. who was wearing what appeared to be a child’s bikini. I know this is terrible but he was the absolute best! He wasn’t one of those cross dressers who puts on a ton of makeup, talks in an over the top ladies voice and stuffs a bra to look like an actual girl, he had a pretty girly face though and his hair was long and rather girl like. So I can only imagine he woke up one morning and realized how many girl features he had, put on his little sisters bikini and headed down to Freemont St. The best thing about him was he clearly couldn’t dance. He tried shaking it to the floor and sexy dancing all over the place but only managed to look like a baby learning to walk or like someone picking up something slippery from the ground. There was literally a crowd around him of people just laughing at him and wondering if this was serious, all the while he’s shaking his little tail feather. Priceless.
  4.  Wedding Chapel. My friend got married in the cutest little chapel right off the strip. It was very “The Hangover” looking which only added to my enjoyment of the place.
  5. Acrobats at Circus Circus. I’m basically always down to watch people propelling themselves through the air to be caught by another person. Like anytime.
  6. Dick’s. This was the name of the restaurant our wedding party went to after the wedding. After first hearing the name you might think it’s just some unfortunate guy named Richard who named the place after himself after agreeing to let people call him Dick in the first place, genius. But no, this was a restaurant where the people who work there are dicks to you on purpose, yup that’s right. I love everything about the concept of this restaurant and honestly we all had a blast. They throw the silverware in heaps in the middle of the table, if you order Coke they bring you Pepsi, yelling across the restaurant and cussing are common occurrences, they make you giant paper hats with terrible things written on them (my favorites were “Dr. Phil makes me moist.” and “I swallowed, he proposed.”) and don’t think you can play the punching bag game without being publicly humiliated by a 12-year-old. The best part was it sort of opens the doors for everyone to just be mean back and I often associate meanness with humor so this totally worked for me.
  7. TV show screening. Basically you agree to sit down for about an hour watching a rough cut of a TV show that hasn’t been picked up for any air time yet and give your opinion about the show. Being that I want to be a TV show writer this was obviously something I loved! I often read scripts of upcoming shows that haven’t aired yet and this was a step up from that. Not only that but this 6 week screening really has an impact on what a network decides to do with a show.

P.S. I have a video of the cross dresser if you simply must see his moves for yourself

Can We Please Talk About All The Ways “The Hunger Games” Movie Differs From The Book

30 Mar

Obviously “The Hunger Games” book is better than the movie, that’s just a given. A movie doesn’t have the luxury of your time to develop character and relationships the way a book can. Let’s face it if it followed the book exactly it would lose everyone around hour two when Katniss is still meandering around the woods surrounding District 12 proving to all of us she’s an expert hunter and the provider for her family. So clearly for a movie things will have to be cut and possibly even reshaped as book transforms to movie. So now let’s talk about all the things, good and not necessarily so good, that differ from the book. And for the record I loved the movie, there’s nothing I like more than seeing some of my favorite characters come to life.  

1. Madge?! Where are you? In our story she was the force behind the mockingjay pin but was totally nixed in the movie, which I do get. Madge was insignificant in the grand scheme of things, sure she gave us more insight into our main character and there was the connection of the two girls mothers but really that made little difference for a movie. The mockingjay pin however was crucial and so was us as an audience understanding the relationship between Katniss and her sister Prim. We had to believe within minutes of the movie starting that of course Katniss is willing to volunteer to die for her sister, and I actually think it was really smart the way they played it. I loved the exchange from Katniss to Prim and then Prim back to Katniss saying “It’s to protect you, nothing bad will happen to you.” I also think it would have worked for the mockingjay pin to somehow have come from Peeta, adding to their back story.

2. I love Peeta (TEAM PEETA 4EVA!) and I’m a huge fan of Josh Hutcherson but shouldn’t they have gotten someone taller to play Peeta? I just found it very off-putting him being almost a whole head shorter than Katniss. Also in the books wasn’t Peeta kind of funny? Maybe I just read him funny with an air of humor in his light words but they played him too serious in the movies for me.

3. Cinna the creepa. Cool it Lenny you’re not supposed to be hitting on Katniss. That relationship was extra weird for me in the movies, which is a shame because he’s such a great character.

4. The most obvious difference for me which truthfully is the only addition I would have made to the movie is…Remember in the book when Katniss finds Peeta painted into the riverbank after the announcement that they can both win if it’s together? And she literally has to drag his body into the water and strip him of his clothes to clean him and his bum leg? (which BTW do they amputate that bad boy in the film?) I really felt like that was the moment when she starts to fall for him and we see it. We see how badly she wants to save him and repay the boy with the bread. We see her blush for the only time in the middle of a killing arena as she cleans his body. I just think it’s a perfect moment where the world fades away and we’re left with pure boy/girl emotion, even if only for a second. It would have really added to us as an audience believing in her love for him and I was surprised when they totally skipped this part. There’s nothing more that I hate then a movie where two people meet and then the next day were supposed to believe their madly in love, which wasn’t necessarily the case here, just sayin.

5. I really liked Gale in the movie, I’m not a big fan of him in the book, but I think they did a really great job of showing that he’s Katniss’s rock. Plus he always seemed to say the right things to her.

6. I also think that they should have made Katniss and Peeta look totally different once they went through getting cleaned up by their prep teams in the capitol, the really looked virtually the same as before she just wasn’t wearing that hideous blue dress anymore.

What are some of the things you noticed differing in “The Hunger Games” movie compared to the book?

Chinese Mafia

27 Feb

Remember that post I wrote a few months ago about not having chinese food in a long time and about how Thai food is a lot like having bad chinese food without the promise of a fortune cookie at the end? Oh you don’t? Well don’t worry you didn’t really miss anything. But anyways, on Valentine’s Day my husband and I set out on a mission to get good chinese food. Yes I’m well aware that Valentine’s Day was almost two weeks ago, but I’ve been busy putting myself into debt with school and such.

Just so were on the same page here let me explain that my husband is the kind of person who looks up everything on his phone. I promise you he can’t get anywhere without it. Flashlight, level, maps, instagram, bar code scanner thingy, and if ever you’re thinking about going somewhere new, or anywhere at all actually, you better believe he’s gonna Yelp it and tell you precisely how many stars, what kind of service and read you multiple reviews about said place. Now since I’m not the kind of person who gives a crap what Debby from Smithtown thinks about the egg rolls or how crunchy they are, I just let him do his thing and pick the place, nodding with feigned interest as he reads me reviews. 

So the first place we pull up to looks pretty decent from the outside. Not necessarily like your standard chinese joint but definitely like a place that gets regular business. We walk in and the place is apparently very deceiving in size from the outside because what looked like at least a medium-sized restaurant had three tables inside. The lady who greeted us (one of those you can’t tell if she’s speaking chinese or english types) sits us at a table and then disappears into the back of the restaurant. We start looking through the one page menus that are lying on our table.

Me: They don’t have lo mein.

Him: What? They must.

Me: How do they not have lo mein?

We exchange a doubtful look about this place deserving any of those three and a half stars at all.

Him: Should we just go?

Me: We can’t just go, aren’t there rules about being seated in a restaurant and not being able to just leave?

Him: Their aren’t any rules like that. She hasn’t even brought us water yet, we can just go.

Me: Oh God she’s probably getting us water right now! 

Him: Let’s get out of here!

He grabs my hand and we dash out the front door, before the dreaded water receival forces us into settling for chow mein.

The next place we pulled up to looked more like a chinese buffet from the outside. Which at this point I’m totally okay with because I’m starving. We pulled up on the side of the building so as we’re walking around the corner to get to the front door we see a homeless man sitting on the bench right beside the entrance. A homeless man who’s cussing loudly at the fresh air beside him while flailing his body to and fro. He was literally so close if you didn’t skirt around him when you entered one of his flailing arms might hit you. He reminded me of this homeless man who used to come into Chuck E. Cheese when I was a manager there, steal a salad off the salad bar and fall asleep with his swollen face and hands dug into the salad, every time. And every time I had to call the cops who would come drag him out of my child filled restaurant. As we enter the chinese place my husband makes a comment that they should probably call the cops, homeless men greeting your customers with a friendly smack is probably bad for business.

We’re seated and have our water within minutes, damn no leaving this time, it better be good. The waiter comes to take our order and we have a lengthy discussion about whether or not he knows what lo mein is (lengthy because he was hard to understand and because again no lo mein on the menu!). In the end he was very helpful and we ordered a plate of lo mein and a plate of chicken fried rice.

As we’re sitting an older guy comes barging in through the side door from outside, waving a handful of papers and yelling at the man behind the counter. The man behind the counter didn’t take this lightly and started clearly reprimanding the older fellow in front of everyone. They move it to the back but don’t go much farther than the swinging door because everyone can still hear them. From a large group of chinese people who moments ago you might have thought were enjoying a nice meal with the family, a few men get up (then you notice the aprons around their waists) and push their way into the back. I love every minute of this drama. After a few moments where there are very little workers present and we have time to look around and realize all the people sitting around us, first of all, are all male but most of them have vanished or are staring around wondering if they should pull out their guns yet, this of course is what I assume they’re thinking. A young girl comes out from the back and while never looking up from the ground asks us if we want more water. Nuh-uh lady just some popcorn and a Pepsi.

Obviously we chose to dine at the chinese mafia house for lunch but the lo mein was delicious and the entertainment was an unexpected bonus. So if you’re ever in the Modesto area and are looking for a good meal and don’t mind the threat of random gunfire make sure to check out the Golden Dumpling (I have no idea what the actual name of the place was, but I figured I couldn’t be that far off if I just followed a chinese word noun with an adjective), just don’t be alarmed by the gang of small chinese men or the overly handsy guy out front, I promise they’re a good time.

P.S. On my way back from the bathroom I saw through the front windows the homeless man being taken away by the cops in an ambulance, in case you were wondering how his life turned out.

70 Dolla Holla

8 Feb

It’s very rare that I come across an internet video that I actually enjoy and don’t feel like I’m wasting precious minutes of my life by watching. I mean, I love cats playing piano as much as anyone but don’t make me watch an internet video of it, I will tell you about all the minutes of my life you’re wasting and about how I’ll never get them back.

That reminds me, I learned a disturbing fact in one of my high school classes (economics or something like that, possibly sociology). The amount of time the average person will spend at traffic lights (driving or passenger) in their lifetime is in the years (I say this “years” rather loosely because an exact time frame was given but hell if I remember it, it was more than a year though). But just think about that, even if it was just one year, ONE YEAR! At least a whole year of everyone’s existence will be spent sitting at red lights, eff that noise.

**Someone needs to be my google and look up that fact or statistic or whatever it happens to be.    

Anyhoo, these are a few (the only) internet videos I find worth any kind of time at all. Except that sneezing panda one you’ve gotta watch that, it’s a classic. 

P.S. Click the picture for the link, there’s no way I’d ever pay 70$ to be able to upload videos to my posts.

The Hillywood Show: Breaking Dawn Part 1 Parody

I can’t even begin to tell you how awesome I think this video is. I don’t know who these people are but they’re probably gonna be my new group of friends! It’s so over the top that it’s amazing. And fantastic job on the sets If I do say so myself. I love Kristen Stewart but this girl could have been cast as Bella and I would have been okay with that. The Hillywood Show has other great parodies you should probably check out too, including parodies of all the other Twilight movies thus far…HAVIN’ MY BABY!!

10 Misconceptions Rundown

 

People believe the darndest things don’t they. My favorite is number one, but don’t worry I won’t ruin the video for you. Just know that you sleep with your gob wide open and that grosses me out more than anything.

Marriage Proposal

I looooooooooooove this video. You can skip the part at the beginning though where it’s the night before and the guys just talking. Seriously how good is the look on her face!!

 

That’s it, just those three for now. I’ll keep you posted if there’s anything else out their worthwhile that you’re missing in the future.

I must go watch Teen Mom 2 now, this is the one I’ve been waiting for!! Where it all hits the fan.

Edit* This post was titled “70 Dolla Holla” before WordPress informed me that this was my 70th post but now it just seems all the more fitting. Just in case you were wondering.